It's 2-6-12
Things get worse and worse. I feel like I will never ever be able to sort though the messes he makes. I am always going to be caring a load not meant for me. I think he makes these crisis or chaotic conditions on purpose. He reminds me of my childhood when Dad would call my name every hour, or 2 hours just to have my sleep disrupted. just to keep me tired so I couldnt/cant remember everything.
I am the WIFE and he is the Head of the household and I dont work outside the house for the family income (of course I had to fight like hell to get Bob to pay child support and I have always taken care of those boys,plus I have disability so I still bring income into our home. I am not sure why he would think that I do nothing.) anyway, according to him, MY duties are ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING either about the house, the people in it or anything connected to it including the people.
In the beginning I did things for him out of love. ofcourse he did his own laundry and shopping but when I was doing them for 4 (the kids and I) I might as well do his as well. I was making the boys lunch so I might as well make his too. it seemed easy enough. I was the "stay at home mom" while Sharon (Michaela's mom) worked full time.
When I first met him he had a home that, in his divorce from his first wife, had to be sold. apparently he trying and it just wouldnt sell so my teen sons and I had to paint the house, do all house work, helped him redo the landscape.
with most abusive controlling men, it isnt an all of the sudden kind of thing. its slow and gradual. the list gets longer for me, the lazy time gets longer for him. never once being demaning or angry before the wedding day.
AFTER the wedding 1-17-2009 all hell broke loose.
Along with that suddenly my duties included registering the kids for school, get school clothes, supplies for all 3, transportation, creating money management, billing and all accounts. taking all vehicles to get auto repairs and inspections, oil changes, managing yard work,taxes,finding a places available to rent every year that we moved and with that I had to solely packing entire household each time we moved. we moved so much because either he got fired or he had abused me in the house before and just couldn't live there anymore. finalizing the deals, doctors,where money is going to come from for WHATEVER he wanted or need, without the luxury of knowing how much he would make or if he would take time off and the checks would be shorter.
In the last few years his responsibilities were to go to work, stay for how ever long he felt he deserved to. sometimes it was noon and rarely it was 5-7 like he told them. he just did what he wanted. so he went to work, drove home, handed me his lunchbox, went upstairs and changed clothes. then he sat on his recliner and turned the Xbox on. Call of duty for the next 6-9 housed. only stopping to have his meal brought to him....First.
SO today I found out today, by reading his email for him. that DH ( Dear husband)never changed his address with the state board of nursing when we moved.. anyway, we were never notified that his license got suspended, I didn't know you have to renew a RN licence.
We also didn’t file 2010 taxes yet (i couldn’t get him to call his old employer to get a new copy of the W2 because he didn’t change that address either and they wouldn’t release anything to me) so finally he is panicked enough to have called today and (not taking care of it himself) he gives his permission for ME TO HANDLE IT. it was a rush because he didn't want his employer knowing he had been practicing nursing without a licence for 6 months.
Things get worse and worse. I feel like I will never ever be able to sort though the messes he makes. I am always going to be caring a load not meant for me. I think he makes these crisis or chaotic conditions on purpose. He reminds me of my childhood when Dad would call my name every hour, or 2 hours just to have my sleep disrupted. just to keep me tired so I couldnt/cant remember everything.
I am the WIFE and he is the Head of the household and I dont work outside the house for the family income (of course I had to fight like hell to get Bob to pay child support and I have always taken care of those boys,plus I have disability so I still bring income into our home. I am not sure why he would think that I do nothing.) anyway, according to him, MY duties are ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING either about the house, the people in it or anything connected to it including the people.
In the beginning I did things for him out of love. ofcourse he did his own laundry and shopping but when I was doing them for 4 (the kids and I) I might as well do his as well. I was making the boys lunch so I might as well make his too. it seemed easy enough. I was the "stay at home mom" while Sharon (Michaela's mom) worked full time.
When I first met him he had a home that, in his divorce from his first wife, had to be sold. apparently he trying and it just wouldnt sell so my teen sons and I had to paint the house, do all house work, helped him redo the landscape.
with most abusive controlling men, it isnt an all of the sudden kind of thing. its slow and gradual. the list gets longer for me, the lazy time gets longer for him. never once being demaning or angry before the wedding day.
AFTER the wedding 1-17-2009 all hell broke loose.
Along with that suddenly my duties included registering the kids for school, get school clothes, supplies for all 3, transportation, creating money management, billing and all accounts. taking all vehicles to get auto repairs and inspections, oil changes, managing yard work,taxes,finding a places available to rent every year that we moved and with that I had to solely packing entire household each time we moved. we moved so much because either he got fired or he had abused me in the house before and just couldn't live there anymore. finalizing the deals, doctors,where money is going to come from for WHATEVER he wanted or need, without the luxury of knowing how much he would make or if he would take time off and the checks would be shorter.
In the last few years his responsibilities were to go to work, stay for how ever long he felt he deserved to. sometimes it was noon and rarely it was 5-7 like he told them. he just did what he wanted. so he went to work, drove home, handed me his lunchbox, went upstairs and changed clothes. then he sat on his recliner and turned the Xbox on. Call of duty for the next 6-9 housed. only stopping to have his meal brought to him....First.
SO today I found out today, by reading his email for him. that DH ( Dear husband)never changed his address with the state board of nursing when we moved.. anyway, we were never notified that his license got suspended, I didn't know you have to renew a RN licence.
We also didn’t file 2010 taxes yet (i couldn’t get him to call his old employer to get a new copy of the W2 because he didn’t change that address either and they wouldn’t release anything to me) so finally he is panicked enough to have called today and (not taking care of it himself) he gives his permission for ME TO HANDLE IT. it was a rush because he didn't want his employer knowing he had been practicing nursing without a licence for 6 months.
It
took me 4 hours and 3 trips to the Ups store for faxing. I
was pulling my hair out but he just sat and played his video
games but I got it filed. I admit I wasnt completely pleasent because I was tired and stressed and had not eaten. he didn't thank me, instead The stress of this issue sent him into a full blame and hate tirade.
he screamed at me and told me it was all my fault, and how selfish I was to not realize that I should be to ashamed to live. how could I embarrass him like this. Both DSD (dear stepdaughter) and my youngest son were in the house.
I tried to calm him. first I tried to let him know that it wasn't my fault and that he had not even helped me. I tried to get him a cup of coffee reheated so he might stop yelling and go lay back down.
he screamed at me and told me it was all my fault, and how selfish I was to not realize that I should be to ashamed to live. how could I embarrass him like this. Both DSD (dear stepdaughter) and my youngest son were in the house.
I tried to calm him. first I tried to let him know that it wasn't my fault and that he had not even helped me. I tried to get him a cup of coffee reheated so he might stop yelling and go lay back down.
Now I know he was mad at himself for being irresponsible with something so important. obviously he hated feeling at fault. Now he could look at me and understand, I had figured him out and I was NEVER going to utter the words "I am sorry for messing up your career with my neglect. "
He again said "that’s it, we are filing for divorce and I will be done with this shit, you wont be able to touch my money and I will finally have it. "
he told me that it is never going to work out because I am incapable. then he really reaches and starts manufacturing reasons like ,
"You are so mean to DsD." "You put her down and tell her she is fat"
"You F***in need to be in drug rehab because Your faking disablity, when your just stoned and lazy." " you are so stupid, but of course you try to get us to believe you went college" that is so funny and idiot going to college" "You are a horrible mother and cant keep a house, we live in filth." ( i can see if he comes home from work every night and has to clean up a mess or something but he won’t lift one finger to even carry a basket for me, he just sits there, plays video games for hours and waits to be waited on for his dinner and I just do the best I can)
He again said "that’s it, we are filing for divorce and I will be done with this shit, you wont be able to touch my money and I will finally have it. "
he told me that it is never going to work out because I am incapable. then he really reaches and starts manufacturing reasons like ,
"You are so mean to DsD." "You put her down and tell her she is fat"
"You F***in need to be in drug rehab because Your faking disablity, when your just stoned and lazy." " you are so stupid, but of course you try to get us to believe you went college" that is so funny and idiot going to college" "You are a horrible mother and cant keep a house, we live in filth." ( i can see if he comes home from work every night and has to clean up a mess or something but he won’t lift one finger to even carry a basket for me, he just sits there, plays video games for hours and waits to be waited on for his dinner and I just do the best I can)
I have muscular dystrophy, fibromyaliga and I hold us all together. debt free BTW. I got very scard and thought that he was going to attack me. SO I gave in and told him I knew he hates me. He then just walked away from me.
I was done putting out all the fires we had going at the time, while he stood there and did nothing but criticize and call me names, then he sort of does a creepy thing where suddenly the storm has passed and he wanted to be sweet and I looked at him and told him that he wins, that I will give him what he wants, a divorce. that’s when he got sad and told me no, he doesn’t want divorce, he wants to be with me more than anything, he wants us to buy a house so we don't have to pay taxes next year and all will be happy ................but............
”You just have to change.” he said he says and does what he does because I think I am perfect and never wrong and if someone doesn’t tell me how bad I am I will walk around delusional, we don't need ideas like that filling my head. I have enough of an ego. hahaha"
I was done putting out all the fires we had going at the time, while he stood there and did nothing but criticize and call me names, then he sort of does a creepy thing where suddenly the storm has passed and he wanted to be sweet and I looked at him and told him that he wins, that I will give him what he wants, a divorce. that’s when he got sad and told me no, he doesn’t want divorce, he wants to be with me more than anything, he wants us to buy a house so we don't have to pay taxes next year and all will be happy ................but............
”You just have to change.” he said he says and does what he does because I think I am perfect and never wrong and if someone doesn’t tell me how bad I am I will walk around delusional, we don't need ideas like that filling my head. I have enough of an ego. hahaha"
I have been going to counseling the whole time I have been here. I have had my hormones, hearing and cognitive abilities and I am just fine. Again, the kids are here. I know DSD hears but my son has his headphones in. sometimes I dont mind the clam of the storm. he normally tries to be sweet.
