Some good days and some bad

Life is so hard. its amazingly hard.

I am in a time of deep thought. something very very good and something very very sad is happening, all at the same time.

whats so good?
 about 2 years ago I was in the domestic violence shelter and saw a flyer for a group called the Angle Band project. they were looking for survivors to help them create a brand new thing. it was a virtual choir. So I took the biggest leap of faith in my life and looked into it. I think its in another post here but I will check Anyway,  here in St Louis there is a group called the Angel band Project. it is a music therapy group that was founded because of a young woman named Tracy Butz. she was attacked and murdered. So, her family keeps her alive by creating music and music therapy for sexual assault/imitate partner violence. you can read her story here. also donate or buy a CD http://angelbandproject.org/ 

so now 2 years after I was first introduced to them. They contacted me again and this time they plan on making a CD of survival. it is a tremendous undertaking and I will explain in another post. I have an assignment for next Tuesday which was to come up with songs and  lyrics from music that I love which defines me. I looked back to all my younger days and of course the ones from proms, weddings, breakup songs and those "KISS THIS "(arron tippin lol)
songs to make you stand up and fight. I will be spending alot of time being introspective. I thought I had done enough of that but I guess not. 

the not so good, my youngest son still draws further from me and further from the truth. I am afraid I rescued him from one narcissistic abuser and then sent him to college to find himself where he only found more of them. I am at an impasse. 

Handling the now EX-in laws

This was an email that I sent to my Mother in law 2 days after the break up of my 1st Marriage.  I tried my best to seem gracius and loving even though my husband left because he felt that my new diagnosis of Muscular Dystrophy was going to be a burden.  A few days after this letter, Bob decided to make sure we would never be a family again. He attacked my 10yr old son with his little 8 yr old brother watching. It has had a ripple effect that we feel full strength 20+ years later.   

His Family never did get involved or show interest in the boys. my advice is STILL to kill them with kindness and do whats best for the kids. 

These are the boys at the ages of 10 and 7. 

Betty,

I WAS SURPRISED AND A BIT TO SEE YOU ALL SENT A CARD AND GIFT. I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THANK YOU BUT  THERE WAS NO ANNIVERSARY AND THERE WONT BE AGAIN. THEY WILL BE RETURNED TO YOU.

 

 I DON'T KNOW WHO HAS BEEN TALKING TO BOB BUT IT WORKED. HE IS REALIZING THE CHAINS THAT BEING MARRIED TO A UNHEALTHY PERSON HAVE BEEN PULLING HIM UNDER. AND HE IS MISSING OUT ON HIS YOUTH.     ( I guess I was a bit sarcastic in my 30's)

 

I ASSUME HE DIDN'T QUITE UNDERSTAND THE "IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH PART" OF THE WEDDING,  BUT THAT'S FINE, I'VE KNOWN IT FOR A LONG TIME AND DON'T WANT TO FORCE HIM TO GIVE  WHAT HE CAN'T. I WISH HIM THE BEST. WE WILL BE FRIENDLY AND HAVE AGREED TO MAKE IT CORPORATIVE AND AS POSITIVE FOR THE BOYS AS WE CAN.

 

I HAVE TWO THINGS I NEED TO ASK FOR FROM THE MASON FAMILY.

 

FIRST, YOU DON'T NEED TO LIKE ME, I DON'T MIND. BUT MY SONS DO. I WILL HAVE A STRICT RULE THAT NO ONE    IN MY FAMILY (ESPECIALLY ME) WILL  BE NEGATIVE OR DISRESPECT BOB IN ANY WAY, WHEN THEY ARE AROUND.  ( I kept my promise  )

 I WOULD LIKE TO ASK THE SAME OF YOU. YOU ALL HAVE A RIGHT TO YOUR FEELINGS AND OPINIONS. I JUST FEEL STRONGLY THAT ANY NEGATIVE FEELINGS WILL  FORCE THEM TO DEFEND ONE OF US AND IT'S NOT THEIR ISSUE. I WOULD APPRECIATE IT GREATLY.

 

SECOND, I WANT YOU ALL  TO FEEL COMFORTABLE  ATTENDING ANY SCHOOL FUNCTION, TAE KWONDO, OR CUBS CUB SCOUTS, or TAKE THEM FOR DINNER OR WEEKEND.  

YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME AND ENCOURAGED, IT MEANS THE WORLD TO THEM, THEY WILL NEED ALL THE SUPPORT THEY CAN GET- I WILL DO MY BEST TO ARRANGE WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE.

FOR THEIR SAKE I DON'T SEE WHY IT HAS TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE .

 LAST CHRISTMAS IT WAS VERY HARD ON JESSE. HE FELT GUILTY ABOUT HAVING TO CHOOSE ONE OF US TO BE BY. (we broke up temporarily the year before. there were tons of promises that life would be better) I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT AGAIN.   

 NO WORRIES ABOUT HOLIDAYS, WE WILL DO TWO OF EVERYTHING.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CALL THEM AT ANY TIME.... FEEL FREE, I HAVE CALLER ID AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEAK TO ME.  

THEY MISS YOU AND KNOW YOU DON'T CALL BECAUSE OF ME. 414-483-0091 PLEASE CONSIDER THE IDEA.

 

THAT IS ALL I WANTED TO SAY. I HOPE YOU ALL FIND PEACE AND HAPPINESS.

1-24-2016- I don't think I ever spoke to them again. they never accepted responsibility for their role with my sons. its a shame and has hurt them drastically but I stand by the theory of family involvement even when it hurts you to do it.